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I have an adopted family.
Well, not on paper. People who came into my life and I’ve considered family since then.
I’m sure most of us do. Be it our cousins or aunts or uncles, most of the time, our friends or mentor.
For me, I was blessed enough to call my four closest or best friends my siblings and then another person, “my mother” which I will save for another post, as part of my “adopted family”.
Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely close to my parents and nobody will fully take their place. However, I have been away from home for sometime now, throughout medical school and these are the people or friends who were constantly there for me in addition to my parents.
A little background about myself, I grew up as an only child. Well, technically, my mother’s only child and my father’s youngest child. My father was previously married and he has 3 children from the first marriage. Hence, biologically, I have 3 older siblings. 2 of which I’ve met once when I was 12 and one more I have yet to meet.
I’ve seen multiple pictures of them growing up although we do not live together for my father made it a point to introduce me to them through pictures as well as he would constantly share stories about them. Occasionally, he would still send me pictures of them as well as update me about their life.
I remembered longing for a sibling, an older brother or an older sister in particular. Somebody to guide me, in a different way than my parents and to just be my very own best friend. I felt really lonely growing up.
My mother tried her best to give me everything I ever wanted. Hence, I grew up with many toys and she was always there for me in terms of school or just to spend quality time with me.
She was more of a friend and a sister although at times, she pulled “the mom card”. I’m extremely grateful for what both my parents did. They always made sure I had what I wanted and that I was always loved, no matter what, even though the early years were filled with financial struggles for us.
However, there was this longing that was always there. I wanted to belong. Albeit having friends, I never really conform to a particular group. Growing up in Malaysia, I remembered in primary school, we were being separated into groups of races. Everyone got along harmoniously but there were always groups of Indians, Chinese or Malays or other races and I never conformed to any.
Due to my mix heritage and ethnicity, I looked Indian but grew up with a different culture. I do not speak any of the Indian language but I am fluent in English, Malay and my mother’s mother tongue.
I was just a lost sheep. Alone most of the time. I had 1-2 friends which I am thankful for but they too belonged to a particular group and I remembered being so lonely both at school and at home.
Thus, I find myself reaching out, trying to adopt cultures, just to belong, not knowing that each of us are special in our own way and that I should embrace myself being different. I was ashamed to be the odd one. Today, I am thankful to be the odd one, as I find that it is something special and unique about me. At least, I’d like to think so.
I tried reaching out to my siblings once by adding my father’s eldest daughter on Facebook. It backfired. Long story short, they wanted nothing to do with me. I don’t blame them. But, I was being rejected here and there.
Somehow, that ignited a fire within me and I grew to hate myself and tried to create a different identity for myself. I stopped being my authentic self.
Primary school ended and I went to secondary school and it was a culture shock for me. It was a place where everybody embraced their uniqueness and culture differences. Coming from a mixed heritage was common and too common in fact and everyone mixed with everyone.
The circle of friends that formed in secondary school was not really based on races. It was more on the social status of that person in school, just like any regular high school.
You’ve got the group of “famous kids or influencers”, the “musicians”, the “nerdy ones” and many more.
But I was still alone. I had no skills. I was an angry teenager and I definitely did not know how to talk to people. I only knew how to talk back and challenged the prefects. Hence, I made a lot of enemies. What was odd was that I did not get along with my peers but I got along with my teachers.
They were kind, understanding and extremely patient. So, I used to sit in front of the teacher’s desk, not because I can study better but so I could talk to them whenever they sat down.
Evina Seow Pei Li
I met this crazy, funny and jovial person when I was 13, when they rearranged our sitting places in class.
She just transferred from another school and was reluctant to sit beside me because she wanted to be with her best friend since primary school who happened to be in the same class with us at that time, Chua Ping Theng (whereby our friendship had a rocky start but eventually grew to be a dear friend of mine as well till Form 6 until we parted ways). Thankfully, we still keep in touch.
Anyway, this lovely girl, Evina, grew to be my friend till today and somehow we always ended up in the same class and seated next to each other from first year of secondary school all the way till Form 6.
We parted ways after that because we both took different courses at different universities. However, we made it a point to meet up whenever one of us are in town or if we both happened to be in the same place.
She is my partner in crime and usually follows along with my crazy antics and ventures. Our time spent together were always filled with laughter and stories. She is someone I am extremely thankful for and she made my secondary school life bearable.
Shilpa Sarah
Teacher Sarah a.k.a my faith-keeper a.k.a Shilpa.
Our friendship started slowly. I remembered sitting in the canteen of my secondary school when I was 14 while waiting for my class in the afternoon and she sat down with me. I can’t remember why actually but I remembered having the whole table to myself and she just joined me.
We clicked over our mutual love towards horror movies and that was it.
We were not in the same class at that time and thus, we never really talked until the following year when we were placed in the same class.
As the year progressed, so did our friendship. She watched me and was there for me as I went through my various phases in secondary school. I would consider myself as a relatively unstable teenager who was quick to anger and slow to forgive plus a huge touch of wackiness.
But she was patient, kind and gracious nonetheless.
I thought that after secondary school, our friendship would fade but instead, it grew. She walked with me as I went through my trials, upsets and joys in pre-university and in medical school.
For many years, I took her presence and friendship for granted. Thankfully, a lightbulb clicked in my head somewhere in medical school that this lovely soul has been there all throughout.
She tried her best to incorporate me in her life and always tried to pull me back to church or even made sure I was at least on the right path in life for I have backslide and deviated many times.
Every time I fell, she picked me up. When I felt like my world was crashing and I fall into depression and go into isolation, she pulled me out. She is the person who knows my deepest and darkest stories as well as my vices. Yet, she accepts me unconditionally and never lost faith and love towards me as a person.
She is family and a sister I wished I have.
Though she is elder than me by 6 months, I do not consider as my elder sister but my better half (not in the romantic sense) but my twin.
During medical school, we made it a point to meet up every time I do go back to my hometown or if she were to come up to Kuala Lumpur.
Our friendship turned into a long distance friendship for many years and will probably be again once I begin my internship / housemanship but nothing can break this beautiful sisterly-bond we share.
In addition to a dear friend, I have gained an extension of my family, her lovely parents and brother.
Visiting Shilpa is not only visiting one person, rather it is as if I’m visiting my family.
Shilpa, my number 2, my sister, my best friend and the Godmother to my future children.
This short post doesn’t do justice to a lovely person that you are and I am extremely thankful to have you in my life.
Simon Wee Boon Kim
Simon a.k.a Dr. Wee Boon Kim is the younger brother I never had. We met during our first year together in university but never really talked till towards the end of our first year.
We used to sit beside each other in class during our first and second year which was during our preclinicals. However, during our clinicals, we were separated into different groups and postings. Nevertheless, we always made it a point to meet each other outside our classes or in between classes, just to have lunch together or simply just to hang out.
Simon is also my right-hand man in UTWC (Under The White Coat). Just a short overview, Under The White Coat (UTWC) is an independently run society by students under the Faculty of Medicine, Nursing and Biosciences of MAHSA University, Malaysia.
I was handed the role as the Editor-in-Chief during my final year in medical school and my final year in medical school was a really hectic one for me as I had to catch up on my studies from Year 3.
I can never thank him enough for the countless amount of times dear Simon has stepped in to save me. He is my trusted person, my right-hand man, supporting me in my decisions and putting up with my anxiety episodes as we rush to meet the deadlines of our projects, promoting our Yearbook and handling marketing as well as communicating with the respective lecturers and people.
I’ve never had a younger brother, let alone a sibling but Simon is the person who filled that gap. A loving and kind individual who was always jovial and full of life.
Tan Wei Shern
Our friendship is mainly virtual.
Our friendship started in university while I was in Year 3, during the pandemic. He was my senior back in medical school.
We were both in Under The White Coat (UTWC) at that time and he was an active person in the UTWC WhatsApp group. I think he was the Editor-in-Chief at that time, the youngest to take on the responsibility at that time.
I recalled messaging him personally thinking he was a female as I was naturally shy to approach the opposite gender. Initially, our friendship was mainly within UTWC but during my multiple bouts of downfall during Year 3, he would constantly reach out to me despite me not replying.
Little did I know, this is a friend that I would gain for life. Eventually, he became my mentor, guiding me throughout medical school. I definitely would not have survived medical school without him. He is definitely one of my pillar of strengths.
Eventually, our friendship progressed to us sharing details about our lives and our phone calls was something I looked forward to. Although by that time we were in different states, as he was then back in his hometown and now in Sarawak, it was as if he had never left.
Throughout our friendship, we have only met 3 times in person. There was a time we met when I was in my first year. What’s even funny was the fact that we had a group picture together and according to him we even talked yet I have no memory of it.
He is the definition of an elder brother that I’ve always wanted. He was there for me every time I crashed, mentally and physically albeit virtually but someone I am extremely thankful for.
I consider myself lucky and blessed to be part of his close circle of friends. A kind and humble doctor who aims to provide value as well as to give back to society.
Looking back, my yearning for siblings have been fulfilled albeit us not being blood relatives. Although blood is thicker than water, our bond is stronger than us being biologically related.
Thus, my siblings.
Related posts:
- The Best Study Group I Ever Had – The Impostors
- Something I Learned In High School
- The One Decision I Made In The Past That Helped Me Learn & Grow
- Where Do I See Myself In 10 Years?
- Why I Started My Blog In 2022?
The Theoretical Doctor 