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Medicine.
Definitely NOT my number 1 choice when it came to me deciding on a course.
- Too much responsibilities. I mean, I’m literally gambling between life and death here.
- Too expensive.
- Too much memorisation. I don’t hate Biology but the fact that I need to memorise the FACTS.
- I’m most likely at work all the time. Lack of family quality time. I think.
- I love Maths and Physics because the whole thing just made sense.
The list could go on and on.
However, as you can see, I do not hate Medicine. It was just not my first choice.
I love Maths and Physics a lot back in high school and I wanted to pursue Engineering . However, I was discouraged by my parents, mainly my father.
My father’s working background was in the Engineering field, Electrical Engineering in particular and personally I felt that there was a lot for me to gain from him teaching and I loved hands-on practical work which how I learn best.
My father was not keen on the idea of me pursuing engineering also because it was mainly a male dominated field. Not that he does not believe in me excelling. However, it would be an extremely tough journey for me, especially if I wanted to have a family in the picture.
Well, medicine is not easy as well.
My father used to encourage me to take up medicine as firstly, I would be a Doctor. Secondly, highly respected, mainly it was for my own self-esteem or maybe his. Also, I would earn a lot. Well, I’m still struggling for financial freedom at the time of writing this article.
Anyway, the praises and honour did not cut it for me as I’m naturally an introvert, maybe an extraverted introvert at times. But, I prefer to be alone most of the time and pen out my thoughts.
I need a purpose. I remembered my father asking me about my 10-year-plan. Having just graduated high school at 17 and waiting to be accepted into any Pre-University Programme, my next step had always been Form 6.
That, I was definitely sure. But 10 years?
I had to make a choice and definitely was not ready. I didn’t have any proper guidance, having grown up without any siblings. My seniors who I’m friends with were accepted into a scholarship programme. My peers, were heading into a totally different field altogether.
I. Was. Lost.
I just needed somebody to lay down the pathway for me already as I was, honestly, tired of being aimless and yet I had to make a choice without really knowing my options.
But… I really, really, really wanted Engineering.
So, Form 6. I was determined to pursue 5 subjects. General Studies (Pengajian Am), Mathematics T, Chemistry, Biology and Physics.
If only I could drop Chemistry. Oh well…
However, God had different plans for me. The school that I was accepted into did not offer Physics and in order to take up Physics, I had to place in an application for transfer which meant missing out on a few days to a week of classes, going to the district education office, giving the necessary documents and adopting to a new environment.
I mean, that was 17-year-old me who just wanted to enjoy her tertiary education and procrastinated a lot as well as complained a lot. I definitely was yet to discover my purpose in life at that age.
Hence, I did not budge. I accepted my faith that I was just meant to pursue Medicine.
I mean hey, isn’t it nice? I just need to amp up my brain power to memorise more and retain information (easier said than done, of course) and after 5 years, voila! Suffer through housemanship and finally be at ease. Life is easier by then. I think.
Thus, my journey into Medicine began.
Sadly, it is not an inspiring story on how I came to choose Medicine.
When I entered medical school, I discovered that there were many like me. Majority of them were basically forced, encouraged or destined since Day 1 of age to become a Doctor. There were some handful who were actually interested in Medicine. With Medicine being their number 1 all the way and a group of minorities who pursued Medicine just to earn the title in front of their names but not to practise.
I loved studying. It somehow gave me a sense of purpose. I loved being on the conveyor belt. It somehow just felt safe. Hence, I did not despise my time in Medicine upon entering medical school.
I realised early on that if I were to survive medical school, I had to love what I do. Many were struggling as being in medical school was the last thing on their list. Perhaps, it did not even made the list.
The good thing was that I loved studying.
When I was in my third year of medical school, I first dipped my toes into clinicals, going to hospitals, clerking patients and watching procedures. I seriously considered dropping out of medical school.
Not because I hated what I was doing. I loved it. But other factors came into play. Mainly, it was the people I was living with at that time as well as my group mates. Yes, the very same people I live with then were my group mates as well and it was extremely toxic for me.
I was constantly stressed and needed to escape as my head was constantly heavy and cloudy. I was unhappy and divulged down the wrong path.
The pandemic saved me. It was as if God put a BIG STOP to prevent me from going further down the road I was on at that time and rerouted me to another filled with emotional turmoil, which was part of my healing journey. However, that is a story for another time.
Had God not intervene, I would not be alive today and writing this today. Let’s just leave it at that.
My best friend came into my life at the right time and unknowingly intervened, again, at the right time. In addition to that, a senior of mine advised me as well. He told me that he was in a similar phase back in medical school and that though I may like the job scope and enjoy it, it is not enough to keep me going. My parents used to be my anchor in terms of getting through my medical school journey.
However, I needed a long term, sustainable anchor. My goal in life basically.
You see, I’m not an overly ambitious, driven person. Fame and honour till this day does not cut it for me. I knew that I needed to be of service. That’s all and I shall go where I’m needed.
Thus, I came to a conclusion that I wanted to contribute back to society in what I love. Although, I may not necessarily be good in it, I was willing to learn, because that is my anchor, to be of service & to give back to society, which I wrote in my Yearbook.
Hence, I discovered my lifelong goal in my fourth year.
I absolutely love teaching. As I mentioned, I may not necessarily be a good one but I loved doing it and would sacrifice my time and sleep to lend a helping hand to a friend.
Thus, how does that dynamic work with medicine?
Throughout my later years in medical school, I was blessed enough to come across “The Impostors”. Learning became fun again and I would volunteer if there were any empty slots if there were bedside teachings in the hospital as I wanted to absorb more, to learn more, to be better, so I could be, hopefully, a safe doctor someday and finally give back to people in need of learning or to society in helping them through educating them about their disease or even in treating them.
Although the workload was pretty much the same but due to my change in mindset, I shifted from liking Medicine to falling in love with Medicine.
I finally found my purpose in life.
As I approached my finals in Year 5, my senior year, I found myself looking back and reflecting on my journey throughout those 5 years in medical school. My memories, my regrets, lessons I’ve learnt and finally, the question… Did I regret my decision to pursue medicine?
No. I definitely did not regret. In fact, if I could turn back time, I would do it all over again, with some minor tweaks here and there in terms of my grades and financial management.
However, had I pursued Engineering or Accounting or another course, I still would have ended up down the same road in discovering my lifelong goal and I would still toy my best to achieve it through whichever course I’m in.
This is something I’m still working on everyday. To be a lifelong teacher as well as to contribute back to society in what I’m good in a.k.a my strengths.
Hence, my dearest father,
I was thence young and immature. I saw a different side of the journey I was about to embark on. But, as a father, you saw this side of me early on, before I have even known and you definitely just wanted what is best for me. You saw the teacher and contributor I could be but obviously there is no specific course on that.
Thus, medicine was the right choice for me to embark on.
You have always been my role model in life and I only hope I do you proud in becoming who I am today.
My father, you are the greatest role model in my life, one I am forever grateful for. God has been extremely gracious and kind to have you guide me and raise me in an environment never lacking of love and joy, even when times were difficult.
May The Good Lord continue to guide you throughout your life, in your current journey, in your decisions and bless you with abundant peace and love from your friends and family, especially from your children and grandchildren. I just hope that I am able to pass on a part of you to my children as well. For you and mom are forever engrained in my heart.
A little background story regarding my father, he started out life from a humble beginning with multiple turmoils befalling him throughout his life. Some of which, I experienced it as he was going through them.
Thus, my greatest credit goes to him, especially in turning out to be who I am today.
Did I regret pursuing medicine? No. Would I do it all over again? Definitely.
Related Posts:
- Why I Started My Blog In 2022?
- I’ve Completed My Finals in MBBS
- The Best Study Group I Ever Had – The Impostors
- How I Studied During Clinicals In Medical School
The Theoretical Doctor 